la patrie (at Brussels | Bruxelles | Brussel)
so i met a girl from online…
i was bored one night on tumblr and i saw this girl reblog something, and she looked cute in her profile picture so i messaged her. it turns out she’s read my favorite book in the world, the beautiful and damned, and she’s a teacher like i’ve always wanted to be, and she’s really freaking sweet. like both in the cool way and the adorable way.
and then she messages me a week later, when i’m dead sick, telling me she hopes i get better soon. we keep talking and i’m just thinking… this is one fucking cool ass chick. she’s easy to talk to and she even liked one of my instagram pictures i posted of a fortune cookie and maybe we could be friends.
so i get her number and we start texting.
all fucking day.
for a month.
literally… all day we text each other. and we never ran out of things to say. at first we would talk about these books or how each others day went or other things we had in common, which is a lot. i liked talking to her and i liked giving her silly nicknames like munchkin and goofball and cutie patootie. and she called me babe. and then one night i got angry and called her out on being rude to someone that really deserves the shit he gets. my endless optimism meets her harsh realities. it fucking sucked, she got upset at me and i realized how much i fucking hurt because i had hurt her. she was my friend and kept me company every day and i hurt her.
and then we were cool and i sent her a video of a project i was working on and she complimented me on my voice. not just complimented me, but told me how it made her smile and it was honestly one of the greatest compliments i’ve ever gotten, it was such a small thing but it made me feel amazing, like how this amazing girl could be attracted to the littlest thing about me.
and we talked and talked and talked. about nothing and everything. she made me love my blue beanie from the simple fact that she liked it. she kept me company when i would stay in on a friday night. we watched the grammys and the state of the union together. i would be cleaning and she would ask where i am. i’d show her my nantucket sweatshirt and she’d show me her cape cod sweatshirt. she was my ‘boo’ and i was her ‘babe’. silly little flirting and i honestly expected nothing to come from it—she’s in new jersey, i’m in boston. she’s from online and well, i’m from my world.
how could i not have feelings for someone like this? who would talk to me whenever i want, who would keep me company all throughout the day, who would call me cute and babe and send me smiley emojis and actually want to talk on the phone…? i loved everything about her and more and i wanted to just dissect her brain and i wanted to like what she likes and i wanted to hate what she hates.
blablabla and so we had to meet.
we couldn’t. the fucking snow.
but we could? fuck the snow right? sunday was off but saturday, i was supposed to hang out with my friends that i studied abroad with. she wouldn’t let me go (she’s nice like that) but i wanted to go (i’m crazy like that) and one night she was upset that we would never meet and i ran home from the gym and bought my $50 ticket to new york, where we would meet. our first date. an online date with a girl from fucking tumblr, how crazy am i? A FUCKING ONLINE DATE omg
i go out friday night to a friend’s, get drunk, and come home… pass out at 2:30am. wake up at 5:30am, walk a mile in the freezing cold to the train station, get on the bus to new york at 7:30am, and i’m SWEATING BULLETS the entire time. what if i’m not as cool as she thinks i am and what if i fuck everything up and like i dont even know when to hold her hand i mean we’re so close but we’ve never even met and i’m terrible at dates and what if she doesn’t even show up!
i get there an hour early at 11am. she leaves as soon as i tell her that, and as she looks for a parking spot, i jump from starbucks to starbucks to hopefully help her be closer. i hate starbucks too but i knew she loved it so maybe she would want something there.
she tells me that she just parked. HOLY FUCKING SHIT THIS IS REAL. I get up, I go outside, I walk around to where she said she is, I don’t see her, I turn around, I look around, I go inside, some jackass steals my table, she’s on her way, i find a seat at the window, there’s a firetruck leaving, she tells me she sees the firetruck, fuck fuck fuck, “michael?” and there she is. i stammer, “i can’t believe you’re real.”
we sit and our bags match and i just stare at her and she can’t make eye contact and i can because her eyes are so pretty and big and she puts on her glasses so i can see them and she’s so pretty, what is she even doing here with me? oh wait michael you’re fucking cool, dude she already likes you, play it easy.
we walk to the park and she tells me how her teaching interview went and i tell her about my family and she tells me how she’s scared of falling into those latches on the street that go underground and we see central park and we pick the worst fucking path and we find a set of swings and i offer to give her a piggy back ride over all the icy snow and she says no but we go anyways and we swing and then she sits on a swing with a pole between me and i’m just like oh god she’s not even interested. but she is because she keeps smiling and she’s being silly and she’s exactly who i wanted her to be and yeah.
we go to get food at potbelly and she’s never even been. she gets a sandwich with no meat and i think she’s so crazy but she seemed to like the sandwich and she tried my lemonade and she’s sitting across from me and i’m telling her about my family and i tell her about kairos and we touch hands and she has a toe thumb which is the cutest thumb i’ve ever freaking seen and we walk three steps over to judge roy bean and she offers to buy me a beer since i paid for lunch and we get a sam adams and we’re touching hands and she learns how to make eye contact which makes me look away and i get nervous and fuck i can’t mess this up with her. and then that fucking song ‘we didn’t start the fire’ comes on and we run out!
we go to moma and she’s not even a student but i trick the staff into giving us two student tickets and we go in to the fifth floor to see all my post impressionism loves and we see STARRY NIGHT! AND LES DESMOISELLES D’AVIGNON! and we walk into a room and it’s monet’s water lillies and we sit down and she grabs my hand and we held hands and we just sat there. and it was perfect and she was perfect and this old lady sitting next to us was so cute and everything in the room was perfect.
we leave and we hold hands throughout the fifth and the fourth and the third floors and we sit at the second floor and hold hands and she’s so touchy and i love it and i’m touching her and she’s got such a nice smile and we take a picture together.
we try to adventure off to a french metro station sign that we see but we can’t get to it. fuck it neither of us wanted to go anyways. but we decide to go to starbucks because my phone died and her phone died. iphones fucking suck. but not before we both instagrammed the same picture of new york, which is awesome because it’s the same picture but not really because she was to my right and i was to her left when we took it and the perspective is just a little bit different and if you look at both of them next to each other you can tell one was taken a foot away from the other and i love it because we have proof we were together. besides the fact that we already took a picture together lol
we go to starbucks at 8th and 52nd street. i’m exhausted. i’ve had about four hours of sleep in the last… 36 hours? who knows, she’s awesome, the suns going down, we held hands all the way from the water lillies to starbucks. i don’t even like starbucks.
we take more pictures. she’s photogenic.
it’s 5:45 and we have to leave, my bus leaves at 6:30, we walk to her car and we pass by this sweet ice bar place and then i make a joke about this “iron bar and lounge” place and she laughs and i’m the fucking man.
we get to her car and she loops around because either i didn’t know where i was supposed to go or she just wanted to spend more time with me, and so we end up parking by a bunch of garbage trucks to avoid the traffic, and it’s kind of awkward and she’s not saying anything and i’m sweating bullets, like how am i going to kiss this girl, i can’t just like crawl on her in the drivers seat…
i ask her if she can get out of the car so i can give her a hug and get a goodbye kiss and she’s obliging. she gets out and she gives me the warmest hug and tells me to “give her a real hug” and I do and she looks up at me and kisses me and i kiss her back and i can’t stop kissing her because she’s amazing and the day was amazing and her lips taste like cherry almost i don’t even know, but i like it, and i don’t want to go, so i kiss her again, and i have to go, so i kiss her again, and i leave. all the while cars pass by us and we sit next to a bunch of garbage trucks. lol
i walk to my bus and i look at my phone and she tells me she already misses me and i’m fucking high on life because 1. i took this really hot babe out on a date, 2. i got to kiss this really hot babe, 3. she laughed at my jokes!, 4. she liked the date. and so i’m happy.
but i’m in boston and she’s in new jersey and this whole distance thing is bothering her and i can’t get over how perfect she is, even when i know she’s not perfect, and i want things to work so bad but we just had an amazing date and now it’s like we’re back in our separate worlds.
fuck. i’d give it all to get that second date. caitlin is dreamy.
so that was my saturday how was everybody else’s??
brb (at Boston Logan International Airport (BOS))
While I’m off chasing my own dreams
Sailing around the world
Please, know that I’m yours to keep
My beautiful girl
I play it off, but I’m dreaming of you